I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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