what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
