Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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