How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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