Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
