She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
