i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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