I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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