:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
