I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize