What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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