Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
