Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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