i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
