I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
