she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
