Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
