I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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