I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
