She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
