omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found your dick twin last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
