I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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