This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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