And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
