yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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