wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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