bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
