whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This baby is an asshole
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
