i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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