you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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