Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
