Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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