he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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