In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
