You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
