You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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