you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
