so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
