Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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