Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
