Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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