she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize