My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
