So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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