I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
