I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
