i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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