but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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