You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize