Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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