so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize