Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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