In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
