Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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