would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
