Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
do herpes really smell.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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