is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
