I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
