Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I checked into jail on foursquare
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I just sharted jello shots
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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