Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
