I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
