I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
