Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
